love is strong as death...

I was afraid the words may have been running out...

in near panic I wrote that thought in the notebook I had been feverishly writing in.

I asked the Lord to continue to teach me.

He's taught me so many invaluable lessons.

He answered.

He gave me more words to write down.

Oh, I thought, but these are far too personal to share with anyone else.

So, I selfishly hoarded them to myself in my little book.

Old sins die hard.

I've always been selfish with my thoughts & words.

They are such a window into our very hearts, are they not?

After a couple days of selfish hoarding I had quite a hard day yesterday emotionally.

My flesh continued to wage war against me & what I know to be true.

I wondered why I couldn't just do a half-hearted attempt at Christianity as others seem to be able to do.

But then I was reminded that

I am not my own.

I am His.

He owns me.

He bought me with a price.

I am His & He is mine.

He loves me...with love as strong as death.

stronger than actually.

Last evening when I was so deep in the trenches of warfare against self

the Lord gave me Mr. Spurgeon's evening devotion from his book "Morning & Evening"

(a Christmas gift from Momma)

The text was

"Love is strong as death" Song of Solomon 8:6

Let me share it with you as it meant so very much to me.

"WHOSE love can this be which is as mighty as the conqueror of monarchs, the destroyer of the human race? Would it not sound like satire if it were applied to my poor, weak, and scarcely living love to Jesus my Lord? I do love Him, and perhaps by His grace, I could even die for Him, but as for my love in itself, it can scarcely endure a scoffing jest, much less a cruel death. Surely it is my Beloved's love which is here spoken of—the love of Jesus, the matchless lover of souls. His love was indeed stronger than the most terrible death, for it endured the trial of the cross triumphantly. It was a lingering death, but love survived the torment; a shameful death, but love despised the shame; a penal death, but love bore our iniquities; a forsaken, lonely death, from which the eternal Father hid His face, but love endured the curse, and gloried over all. Never such love, never such death. It was a desperate duel, but love bore the palm. What then, my heart? Hast thou no emotions excited within thee at the contemplation of such heavenly affection? Yes, my Lord, I long, I pant to feel Thy love flaming like a furnace within me. Come Thou Thyself and excite the ardour of my spirit.

"For every drop of crimson blood
Thus shed to make me live,
O wherefore, wherefore have not I
A thousand lives to give?"

Why should I despair of loving Jesus with a love as strong as death? He deserves it: I desire it. The martyrs felt such love, and they were but flesh and blood, then why not I? They mourned their weakness, and yet out of weakness were made strong. Grace gave them all their unflinching constancy—there is the same grace for me. Jesus, lover of my soul, shed abroad such love, even Thy love in my heart, this evening."

~C.H. Spurgeon

Love so amazing.

Then I was also reminded that unfaithfulness does not go unpunished.

(I should know...)

And the longer you go on in unfaithfulness the worse the consequences will be.

And just because it seems that others are getting away with bad behavior doesn't mean that is so.

If you are the Lord's

you are just that

His.

And He will bring you back into His fold no matter what it takes.

Because He IS faithful.

Even when we are not.

"Oh, Love that will not let me go

I rest my weary soul in Thee

I give Thee back the life I owe..."

{Thank you Lord for not letting go of me in Your awesome love that passes knowledge.

Even if I think I'd like You to loosen Your grip...

thank You that You don't always give me what I think I want.

Draw me ever nearer, Sweet Lord.}

Another well beloved hymn comes to mind...

This is not the melody I'm used to hearing with this hymn,

but it is such a beautiful one that I immediately fell in love with it.

"Were the whole realm of nature mine

that were an offering far too small

Love so amazing so divine

demands my soul, my life, my all."

Love demands my soul!

My life. My all.